


Since 2008

by potts89



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst with a Happy Ending, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Iron Man 1, Iron Man 2, Iron Man 3, Light Angst, Pepperony - Freeform, Spider-Man: Homecoming Compliant, The Avengers (2012) Compliant, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:15:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23974381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potts89/pseuds/potts89
Summary: "I had the perfect ring picked out for you ever since I came home from Afghanistan... ever since I came home back to you."The five times Tony Stark almost proposed to Pepper Potts but the timing was never right, and we all know the one time when he finally did.Russian translation bySpring_childrighthere.
Relationships: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Comments: 20
Kudos: 68





	Since 2008

“Don’t ever, ever, ever, ever ask me to do anything like that ever again.”

“I don’t have anyone but you…”

He hated putting her on the spot and unloading on her like that, but he sure did mean every word and he could only hope that Pepper could see through his damaged, damaged heart to know the truth, _his truth_. God, she was beautiful, and in the months that he had been held captive in that Afghan cave, her face and her voice were his lifelines. She would probably never know it anyway but she did save him from that cave, she saved him when he didn’t even want to be saved. And now he’s home, back to her.

They were caught in that moment for a while, with him secretly hoping for an opening to actually say something that only took about three months in terrorist captivity for him to realize, and Pepper looking like a deer caught in headlights following his admission. She looked flustered and Pepper Potts _never_ got flustered. So was that a good thing? Could they possibly be on the same page this time? Had she had enough of this waltzing around and keeping the other one at arm’s length, just like him? Because until now, she was still the biggest unanswered question in his life, and he did not want it to remain that way anymore. _Carpe diem_ , now more than ever.

“Anyway…” He sensed her unease and so he gave her his patented smirk as he stood after she had replaced his arc reactor with the new model. He removed the ECG pads still attached to him while she wiped her hands clean of the inorganic plasmic discharge from the device.

“What do you want me to do with this?”

“That?” He saw her gingerly holding his old arc reactor in her hands, “Destroy it. Incinerate it.” He tapped at the new reactor on his chest for reassurance, both for him and for her.

“You don’t want to keep it?”

“Pepper, I’ve been called many things. ‘Nostalgic’ is not one of them.”

And would that flaw be a problem with her, he couldn’t help but wonder. He wanted to be deserving of her, to be someone that she could actually be proud of.

_Look what you’re doing to me, Potts._

“Will that be all, Mr. Stark?”

She was still regarding the old reactor affectionately and he felt as if his chest would explode. Because what she probably did not realize at that moment was that she was holding his heart on her hands, not that piece of tech, no, but his metaphorical heart – the one that he had kept hidden for so long, the one that she had been holding for him all along. It took a decade and a brief soiree in Afghanistan for him to realize it, but that was it – she had his heart all along.

“That will be all, Ms. Potts.” He looked away, overwhelmed by the realization and chose to direct his attention at something else instead. “Hey, Butterfingers, come here. What’s all this stuff doing on top of my desk? That’s my phone, that’s a picture of me and my dad.” He kicked a garbage bin towards the robot as he motioned at the pile of stuff on his worktable. “Right there, in the garbage. All that stuff.”

He heard the clicking of her heels as she turned and left the workshop, and watched her go while absent-mindedly tapping at his chest.

_She really has my heart all along._

“J, you got the footage from earlier?”

“Which part, Sir?”

“The part where I made a comment about her petite hands.”

As impulsive as he was and given that he had been at this ready-fire-aim mode most of the time, he wondered how he had never thought about this all those years ago.

_Well, I was busy trying not to acknowledge this – whatever this was between me and Potts. That was why._

“Loading the footage, Sir.”

“There, that part.” JARVIS had started playing the video right at the moment when Pepper entered the workshop and she had raised her hands up in front of her after he had unceremoniously asked her to show him her hands. “Freeze that frame. Now scan her hands, J.”

“Sir, if I may ask, seeing that we already have Ms. Potts’ fingerprints on file, what exactly are we looking at?”

“Just… get the circumference of her left ring finger, will you?”

“Already done, Sir, is there anything else you need?”

He couldn’t help but grin at how surprisingly monumental this idea was… well, at least to him.

“Check the corresponding ring size for that, then send it to my phone.” A beat, then he remembered something, “It goes without saying that you cannot tell anyone about this, right, JARVIS?”

“Of course, Sir, and should I say that congratulations are in order?”

“Not yet, J. Soon, though. Like what they say, _Carpe diem._ ”

\---- --- ----

Sometime later, he met Happy Hogan who was waiting for him with the Bentley and ready to take him to Edwards Air Force Base.

“Straight to the base, Boss?” Happy inquired, looking at him through the rear view mirror just before they backed out and pulled away from the driveway.

“How about a quick detour, Hap? Rodeo Drive. Harry Winston.” He winked at Happy and he couldn’t help but grin like an idiot.

“Who’s the special lady?”

“Oh, we both know who she is. Let’s not share this detail, though, to her. Also,” he added after a thought, “I need a favor. You might have to hold on to this ring, for me, for a while? Just trying to find the perfect timing.”

“Sure thing, Boss, whatever you say.”

* * *

**_2008, The Third Firefighter's Family Fund Benefit, Disney Concert Hall_ **

“Listen, I know this must be a trying time for you, but we need to debrief you. There’s still a lot of unanswered questions…”

He nodded at Agent Coulson before taking a sip of his scotch but he wasn’t really listening, because that was when he saw her. She was standing across the room in a blue silk v-neck flowy dress with an open back and a fishtail train, her strawberry blonde hair down in loose waves perfectly framing her face. She was breathtaking – the way the lights hit her hair, the graceful but confident way she carried herself, the way she smiled – it was almost as if he was seeing her again for the very first time. He ached to be near her, to touch her, and just the thought that there was a time when he almost lost her… lost the chance to be with her, that was enough to send him running in her direction, almost as if his life depended on it because maybe it did.

“Tell you what. You got it. You’re absolutely right.” He honestly had no idea what Coulson wanted but he distractedly offered his hand anyway, his gaze not leaving Pepper at all, anxious to cross the short distance between them. “We’ll, I’m going to my assistant, and we’ll make a date.”

It felt like forever, as if he couldn’t get near her fast enough, and his heart… oh, he thought his heart would give out.

“You look fantastic! I didn’t recognize you,” which was a lie, of course, because he knew her like the back of his hand. He could be blind and he would still know it was her. Always.

“What are you doing here?”

“Just avoiding government agents.”

“Are you by yourself?”

“Yes…” He tensed his jaw after he got a good look at her, up close. She was beautiful from afar, but right now with just a few feet between them she was blinding. Did she even know she had that effect on him? “Where did you get that dress?”

_Please… tell me I bought it for you._

“Oh, it was a birthday present—”

“That’s great.”

“—from you, actually.”

“Well, I got great taste.”

“Yes.”

There was a bit of a lull. _What now, Potts?_ They had never done this before but he was acting on pure instinct alone, his genius brain taking a backseat for once while letting his heart – _Was that it? Was that his heart? –_ steer the wheel.

“You want to dance?”

“Oh no.”

“Alright. Come on.”

“Thank you. No.”

Regardless, he gently took her hand and led her to the middle of the dance floor, completely unconcerned with everything else that was going on around them. She was in his arms and despite the many, many galas they had attended together, it occurred to him that she had never saved him a dance, until now. So it was a first for them then, and he wanted to get lost in the moment. This close, with only a few inches between them, she was intoxicating. He could spend all night just counting the freckles on her shoulders and on her collarbone, getting lost in her iridescent blue eyes, memorizing the feel of his hand on her bare back, memorizing her unique scent... He noticed she was biting her lip and when she sighed deeply, he felt his heart sank.

_What if she didn’t want the nearness? What if she didn’t want… this?_

“Am I making you uncomfortable?”

“No. No…” She wouldn’t meet his gaze, but at least her hand was still on his arm, comfortably holding on to him. “I always forget to wear deodorant and dance with my boss in front of everyone that I work with in a dress with no back.”

“You look great and you smell great.” His gaze never leaving hers, he was comforted by the thought that she was babbling, and a babbling Pepper meant he was making her nervous.

_And that’s a good thing, right? Right?_

“Oh, God.”

“But I could fire you if that would take the edge off.”

“I don’t… I actually don’t think that you could tie your shoes without me.”

He couldn’t help but smile at that, simply because it was true.

“I’d make it a week,” which was probably an overestimation anyway. Still, he knew that she knew that.

“Really?”

“Sure.”

“What’s your social security number?”

She was smiling knowingly at him now, the kind that she usually reserved for him for when she knew that she had him cornered.

 _But really, Pep, you have no idea you’ve had me for a long time now_.

So he humored her, and also, he really had no idea what his social was. He was hopeless, he would be really lost without her, literally and figuratively.

“Five.”

“Five? Right.”

“Right.”

“You’re missing just a couple of digits there.”

“The other eight? So I got you for the other eight.”

She laughed at the ridiculousness of his reply, and wasn’t that the sweetest sound he had heard in quite a long while. He gazed at her intently, hoping against hope that she could see that his walls were gone, that this was just him, all of him, and that he was hers for the taking. Because he would be really lost without her, he would really need her not just for the other eight numbers but for a lot more than that. Besides, wasn’t this how things were supposed to work? You put yourself and the woman you love in some romantic setting, the stars lineup, and then at some point, you bring out the ring and you pop the question...

The look in her eyes when something finally clicked, when she realized what he had been trying to say all along, his heart almost stopped when it dawned on him that it probably scared her. _“So I got you for the other eight…” -_ who would have thought that was the closest thing to a proposal Tony Stark could come up with and even that seemed enough to send her running for the hills.

“How about a little air?” he offered with a heavy heart and definitely not because of the arc reactor implant.

“Yes, I need some air.”

So he escorted her to the balcony where she started rambling while twisting a lock of hair around her fingers, definitely very un-Pepper-like behavior.

_Was she surprised? Scared? Uncertain?_

He thought he could go for uncertain, that was… acceptable, probably.

“That was totally weird,” she began protesting.

“Totally harmless.”

“It was totally _not_ harmless, by the way.”

“We’re dancing. No one’s even watching—”

“Everybody who I work with… No, you know why?”

“I think you lost objectivity. I think they just… People… We just danced.”

“No, it was not just a dance—”

He really tried not to smile at that – so it was _not just_ a dance, operative words: _not just_. So it was something else, at least they were on the same page here. It took a lot of effort from his part to actually listen to the rest of what she was saying because he felt like that was all he needed to hear anyway: _“It was not just a dance.”_ He considered that a win, and he’ll take what he could get.

“—You don’t understand because _you’re you_. And everybody knows exactly who you are and how you are with girls and all of that, which is completely fine. But, you know, then me, you’re my boss, and I’m dancing with you—”

“I don’t think it was taken that way—”

“—Because it makes me look like the one who’s trying to—”

“I just think you’re overstating it.”

_And that wasn’t me anymore, there had been no other girls since… there was only you._

Didn't she notice that?

“—You know, and we’re here, and then I’m…” her eyes fell on his lips as she took a breath, “…wearing this ridiculous dress, and then we were dancing like that, and…”

He caught her eyes, willing her to hold his gaze, which she did. She was babbling and she trailed off... and then she was leaning forward with her hands on his arms, her eyes searching his and he thought…

“I would like a drink, please,” she pulled away, even before their lips could touch, dazed.

“Got it, okay,” he nodded heading back inside for the bar. If it felt as if the rug had been pulled beneath his feet, he’d rather not say.

“I would like a vodka martini, please…”

“Okay.”

“Very dry with olives, a lot of olives. Like at least three olives.”

What was he thinking, trying to propose that night? So maybe he did skip a few steps here and what were those again?

Right, the boyfriend phase - the first date, the first kiss, the first weekend together, the first trip together. To be honest, maybe he really should have looked into those before buying that engagement ring. But to be even more honest, weren’t they a little bit past those firsts at this point? Well, except the first kiss anyway. They had been waltzing around each other for more than a decade now and from what he could tell from tonight, they were at least on the same page, somehow. He had no idea how to go about this, but in all fairness to him, he had never worked this hard to keep a woman around either.

_So maybe, sure, let’s try the boyfriend phase for now._

He did try, eventually, before the press conference that ultimately changed their lives forever. He took his chance, but she shot him down. Still, she was the closest thing he had for a superhero's girlfriend who knew about his true identity, who had been a wreck worrying that he was going to die on a mission and yet so proud of the man he had become.

So yes, he thought that could work, for now.

* * *

**_Post-Grand Prix de Monaco Historique, en route to California_ **

_“… He thinks of the Iron Man weapon as a toy. I was at a hearing where Mr. Stark, in fact, was adamant that these suits can’t exist anywhere else, don’t exist anywhere else, never will exist anywhere else, at least for five to ten years, and here we are in Monaco realizing, ‘These suits exist now.’_ —”

“Mute.”

He walked in on Pepper watching the news coverage following the events at the Grand Prix, and Senator Stern, the bastard, was weighing in on the Iron Man ‘weapon’ with that I-told-you-so speech he had probably been practicing for some time now.

Still, he didn’t want her watching that, not right now anyway, because if there was one thing that he had learned from Afghanistan and from the arc reactor that saved his life which ironically was killing him as well little by little, it was that life was short. Not very original, really, but frighteningly true. He was running out of time and he was at that point in what would apparently be his very short life where he would give anything just to spend more of it with her, anything. And as if on cue, quite predictably actually, he could almost hear his father’s voice chiding him in his head, _“No amount of money ever bought a second of time.”_ The old man, trying to school him until the very end.

“He should be giving me a medal. That’s the truth.” He moved to sit in front of her before placing a covered dinner plate and utensils on the table. 

“What is that?”

“This is your…” he paused for effect as he removed the cloche to reveal the half-burnt, half-uncooked omelet he laboriously prepared as peace offering, “…in-flight meal.”

“Did you just make that?” She smiled at him, unamused but she smiled nonetheless.

“Yeah. Where do you think I’ve been for three hours?”

She stared at the omelet rather thoughtfully for a while before looking him directly in the eye. She didn’t look angry, which was what he was expecting following the Grand Prix fiasco, but she did look… concerned. He could just never hide from those piercing blue eyes even if he wanted to, and right now seemed to be the perfect time to be able to do so.

“Tony… what are you not telling me?”

 _A lot_ , he wanted to say.

_That I love you and that I’ve been in love with you for a long while now but I was an idiot to realize it just recently…_

_That I’m dying and I’m running out of time and I want to spend whatever I have left of it with you…_

_That I’ve been meaning to give you this ring, not as a promise because I probably won’t be able to keep it anymore but more of a reminder that I did love you, as much as I could…_

_That I’m sorry, for wasting all those years when we could have been so much more…_

But of course he wouldn’t, it would be too cruel to tell her he loved her, not when he was about to leave her anyway.

“I don’t want to go home. At all.” He shook his head, not even attempting to make the conversation lighter. “Let’s cancel my birthday party and… We’re in Europe. Let’s go to Venice, Cipriani. Remember?”

“Oh, yes.” She smiled at the thought and somehow that soothed his soul. They would always have Venice.

“It’s a great place to… to…” he wondered if he could at least tell her there, in Venice, if it would really be too cruel to at least show her the ring, just so she knew. She wouldn’t even need to say yes or no... or anything really. He wondered if it would be too selfish if he wanted her to just _know_. “…Be healthy.”

“I don’t think this is the right time. We’re in a kind of a mess.”

“Yeah, but maybe that’s why it’s the best time.” _And I’m running out of time, too…_

“Well—”

“Cause then we…”

“I think as the CEO, I need to show up.”

“As CEO, you are entitled to a leave.”

“A leave?”

“A company retreat.”

“A retreat? During a time like this?”

“Well, I’m just saying, to recharge our batteries and figure it all out.” _Figure us out._

He looked away, he couldn’t gaze at those blue eyes anymore fearing he might let the palladium poisoning slip, or worse, tell her he loved her only to leave her in the end. He needed time, _they_ needed more time.

“Not everybody runs on batteries, Tony.”

He gazed back at her and she looked perfect, with the soft rays of the setting sun gently illuminating every feature and every laugh line, allowing him to commit everything to his memory while he still could. He could only imagine greater things for them had he not squandered the years they had together, but his only consolation was that at least he got to love her… ‘til the end of his days, and beyond.

* * *

**_2012, Stark Tower, Manhattan, New York City, NY_**

“This isn’t about personality profiles anymore.”

Tony just shook his head, annoyed, after hearing what Coulson had to say. He was not exactly kidding when he told Pepper that the agent couldn’t stay because they were celebrating. What if they did have something to celebrate other than Stark Tower running on clean energy, right? Something more personal, perhaps involving a ring that had been about four years overdue?

“Whatever. Ms. Potts, got a second?” He beckoned her to come closer with a quick motion of his hand while he transferred the files to his own databases. As soon as she was by his side, just like that, her nearness comforted him, like a reassuring balm that maybe he could still turn this night around after all. “You know, I thought we were having a moment.”

“I was having twelve percent of a moment,” she quipped rather smugly.

Their witty banter was one of the things that he liked about their relationship, Pepper was, after all, the only one that could keep up with him. She was as smart as she was sexy, and she could hold her own even against him, _especially_ against him, and that was beautiful. Still, he looked at her amazed. God, this woman could very well eviscerate him and she hadn’t the faintest idea.

“This seems serious, Phil’s pretty shaken,” she sounded worried as she glanced at the agent who was still standing near the elevator.

“How did you… Why is he ‘Phil’?” he tried not to sound annoyed, but really, this could put a damper on his plans.

He wasn’t the jealous type. No, of course not, he most definitely was not. _Right? Right._ He was just concerned that maybe SHIELD was getting involved with Pepper too much, and that would be a big deal-breaker with this consultancy gig. He wanted to protect her, to shelter her from all the crazy that was going on in his world – deadly assassins, super soldiers, literal gods – not because she couldn’t take it (because really, sometimes he was more scared of her anger than any other actual threat), but because he couldn’t afford to lose her. That was the one thing he knew as soon as he saw her again when he first set foot on that tarmac after three months in captivity. And if anything were to happen to her, God, he could only imagine…

“What is all this?”

“This is uh…” he expanded his arms and different profiles appeared in holographic form floating in the air in front of them. There was Captain America in action, the Hulk at Culver University, Thor fighting the Destroyer in New Mexico…. and the Tesseract from his father’s archives and Loki, the Asgardian god. “This.”

He heard Pepper sigh, clearly this was not the date night she had anticipated either.

“I’m going to take the jet to D.C. tonight.”

“Tomorrow,” he cut in.

 _Not tonight_ , he wanted to plead, _because what if something happens tomorrow? And there’s this ring that I’ve been meaning to show you, and maybe, just maybe… perhaps when all this blows over…_

“You have homework. You have a lot of homework.”

“Well, what if I didn’t?” He caught her gaze, giving her that patented brown-eyed Stark smolder he knew she had fallen victim to, one too many times.

_Please, just not tonight… because this was supposed to be our night and…_

“If you didn’t?”

“Yeah.”

“You mean when you’ve finished?” God, she knew him so well, didn’t she? He nodded just surrendering to her insistence; she had always been the responsible one between the two of them anyway. “Well, then….” She snaked an arm around his neck and whispered those sweet promises in his ear, promises that he would surely claim as soon as he was back home to her.

_Oh, Pepper Potts, you saucy little minx._

“Square deal. Fly safe,” he agreed and if he visibly clenched his jaw at that, she didn’t comment about it. Who could say no to those promises anyway? And the ring, well, it could wait. Happy had been keeping it safe for him (and hidden from her) for four years now anyway, what’s a few more days? It’s not as if the world was ending, right? Right.

She leaned forward to give him a soft, chaste kiss and before he could even make any attempt to deepen the kiss, she was already pulling away, smiling at him lovingly. “Work hard,” she had told him.

He watched her leave and as soon as the elevator doors closed, he let himself get lost in the files SHIELD had sent over. He would just have to wait a few more days and Pepper would be back in New York just as things should be back to normal by then. After all, this wasn’t Monaco all over again, he wasn’t dying this time.

\---- --- ----

Except he was. Again.

“Sir. Shall I try Ms. Potts?”

He gazed at her photo which JARVIS had dutifully displayed in his suit’s HUD monitor; it was taken on her birthday, the day he left for Afghanistan, the day that everything had changed. He had never gotten around to replacing that photo merely out of sentimentality… because that was the image of her that sustained his soul for three months in that cave, reminding him to come home, to come home back to her. It was the same photo that he would look at whenever he was out on missions much safer than the one he was currently in, and the message had never changed – he always, always, came home to her.

“Might as well.”

He wondered what he should tell her should she finally answer the call. He should probably tell her how he kept hearing her voice in Afghanistan, urging him to come home back to her. Or maybe about that time that they attended the Firefighter’s Benefit, that he should have kissed her right there and then. Or he could just be honest.

_Hey, Honey. I might need a raincheck on our next date night because… I can’t come home just yet. I’m sorry I might have diverted a missile to space to save the city, to save you… Because you know, I will always save you._

He gripped the missile tightly and with a mighty effort, wrenched the rocket off its course as he flew straight up into the sky, towards the portal, his gaze never leaving her photo. He climbed higher and higher and as he flung himself through the portal and let go of the missile, he saw the call failed just before the suit went offline. And he was falling… falling… falling…

He closed his eyes, the image of Pepper smiling back at him filling the last of his consciousness. His last thought was that he hoped Happy could show her the ring, just so she knew.

_Because it’s you… it’s always been you._

* * *

**_Christmas Eve 2013, on board the Roxxon Norco, Miami, FL_ **

“Honey?”

This was really her, this was his Pepper, right? Because he had promised that he would catch her but then he didn’t, and then she fell and he was devastated that he had lost her, and it was all because he couldn’t save her...

“Oh, my God. That was really violent.”

He breathed a sigh of relief because just like that, she was back, back to him. Her eyes were once again the iridescent blues he had fallen in love with, her skin was a creamy white hue that had always fascinated him even before they got together. She was really here and somehow, he felt his heart got restarted.

“You just scared the devil out of me. I thought you were—”

“I was dead. Why? Because I fell 200 feet?”

He had no response to that, even the mere thought of saying _“I thought you were dead,”_ out loud terrified him for fear that it could be true. Instead, he simply nodded and shrugged his shoulders in an attempt to get some reprieve… from his mistakes, for failing to catch her when he promised he would. She must have noticed his anxiety because her features softened a bit and he noted a hint of a smile wanting to creep in.

“Who’s the hot mess now?”

“It’s still debatable, probably tipping your way a little bit.” He could do this, this was always how they did it with the banter, always trying to see who was more quick-witted. He knew this was her own way of keeping him grounded, of pulling him back to earth and back to her. “Why don’t you dress like this at home? Hmm? Sports bra. The whole deal.”

“You know, I think I understand why you don’t want to give up the suits. What am I going to complain about now?”

“Well, it’s me. You’ll think of something.” She could complain about anything and everything, but he wouldn’t mind, not this time. He was just glad that he had not lost her and right now, he ached to hold her in his arms. That was all he wanted. “Come here.”

“No, don’t touch me.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“No, I’m gonna burn you.” 

“No, you’re not.” He gently grasped her arm, more to reassure her than to satisfy his own need for connection. “Not hot.”

“Am I gonna be okay?”

She was crying, she was panicking, and he feared his heart wouldn’t be able to take it. He had never seen her like this and he felt so damn guilty knowing he was responsible for it.

“No. You're in a relationship with me. Everything will never be okay.”

He felt his heart sank just as quickly as he had said those words because that was the truth, it had always been and would always be true. As if it wasn’t bad enough that he knew he would never ever deserve her, he also had to deal with the realization that for as long as she was with him, she would never be safe. He failed to protect her just when it mattered the most.

He thought back to the plans he had in mind for Christmas morning, before this whole Mandarin debacle happened. He had been meaning to take her back to Venice, just the two of them finally going on that trip they didn’t take before a few years ago. Also, the big bunny was not her Christmas gift, he had bought it for her on a whim, but her true Christmas present was actually the ring he had been meaning to give to her since five years ago. He thought the timing was right, but apparently it still wasn’t. _Might as well shelve that for now_ , he thought.

“… But I think I can figure this out, yeah. I almost had this 20 years ago when I was drunk. I think I can get you better.” He tried to reassure her, belatedly realizing that this should really be what he was supposed to focus on, _for now_. “That's what I do. I fix stuff.”

“And all your distractions?”

“Uh... I'm going to shave them down a little bit.” He tapped in the earpiece just to make sure he was connected to his A.I. “JARVIS. Hey.”

“All wrapped up here, Sir. Will there be anything else?”

“You know what to do.”

“The Clean Slate Protocol, Sir?”

“Screw it, it's Christmas. Yes, yes.”

He pulled her in his arms, just holding her close and relishing in the fact the she was safe and she’s with him. He could hear the sound of his Iron Man suits being blown up in the air but he didn’t care, because this was all for her, and she’s all he was going to ever need. He felt her hugged him tighter and he gently kissed her on the cheek, just wanting to stay in that moment a bit longer, never wanting to let go.

"Okay, so far? Do you like it?”

_Just say the word, you know I'll do anything for you._

“It'll do.”

That made him smile. _It will do,_ he agreed, _for now._

* * *

_**June 2016, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Cambridge, MA** _

“Help me out, what’s the MIT mission statement? ‘ _To generate, disseminate... and preserve knowledge. And work with others... to bring it to bear on the world's great challenges.’_ Well, you are the others. And, quiet as it’s kept... the challenges facing you are the greatest mankind’s ever known. Plus, most of you are broke.”

That earned him a chuckle from the crowd gathered at the MIT auditorium that day. He was standing on a stage in front of a very large crowd with signs that read _MIT Alumni Honors: Tony Stark_ displayed on both sides of the platform, a hologram teleprompter cueing him on his speech.

If he were to be honest, he would rather skip this presentation but as in the many other appointments Pepper had requested him to go to before they… they took a break, he had tried to honor each and every single one of them. It was his own way of showing Pepper that he was trying to change, to do better, that he could honor every single commitment he had made… not just to the public but, more importantly, to her. For one, he was no longer in the frontlines when it came to Avenger business and he had been on active duty, non-combatant ever since Sokovia. He had a perfect attendance in the Stark Industries board meetings over the past three months, and if it was because that’s the only way for him to actually see her, nobody needed to know that.

The research funding that he was about to announce had been today’s good deed, which was a good thing, something to soothe both his mind and his heart. The report on Lagos earlier in the week had been weighing heavily on his mind, but what burdened him more was the weight of that small black velvet box stashed in the pocket of his suit. He brought the ring today because he knew he was going to see her (and for the first time, too, outside of any board meeting) and maybe, just maybe, prove his sincerity that he was a changed man, that she could rely on him more and consistently. He felt that the break had already lasted longer than it should have and in a last-ditch effort to prove to her that he was really in this for the long haul, he had thought about proposing to her, once and for all.

Well, that was the plan anyway, until the organizers had informed him just prior to his presentation that Pepper had cancelled at the last minute. In that moment, he didn’t know which hurt more – the fact that he was the last to know that she wouldn’t be there or the fact that she probably cancelled merely to avoid him. So, yes, the small velvet box weighed heavily in his pocket, a substantial reminder of the love that he might have already lost. Still, he was a charmer, having spent his entire life in front of the cameras and in front of the public’s prying eyes. Hence, the show must go on.

“Oh, I'm sorry. Rather, you were. As of this moment... every student has been made an equal recipient of the Inaugural September Foundation Grant. As in... all of your projects have just been approved and funded.” The crowd broke out in loud applause and cheering at the generosity he had shown. Over the uproar, he called out, “No strings, no taxes… just re-frame the future! Starting now.”

Then he paused, because if he hadn’t he might have broken down right there and then. A shadow passed over his face just as the teleprompter above the audience read: _'Now I would like to introduce the head of the foundation: Pepper Potts.'_ He had no idea how long he stood there just sadly staring at her name, but he hoped that he had recovered quickly enough before anyone could notice.

“Go break some eggs.”

He did one last wave before exiting the stage, and God, he just wanted to leave the place. He couldn’t breathe, he had not anticipated that the mere sight of her name could frazzle him so much, and the ring – it had never felt heavier than now. Oh his way out, he barely registered that an MIT instructor was pitching him an idea for the grant and that his assistant was apologizing about the teleprompter. He waved the apology off, just wanting to get out of there as fast as he could.

\---- --- ----

He stepped out to the fresh air of the school grounds not exactly feeling better but at least a bit less frazzled. It did not help that following his shock at the mere sight of Pepper’s name, he was cornered by Mrs. Spencer, mother of one Charlie Spencer who was one of the many, many casualties from Sokovia. He felt tired, that terrible sense of dread and guilt plagued his mind all day. It took him a while to get himself together following that ambush confrontation and the only thing that he really wanted to do right now was to go home, wherever _home_ was.

He spotted his Audi R8 only to see Happy Hogan standing by the Bentley parked next to it, obviously waiting for him. He wondered what the man could be doing here and given that Pepper cancelled and Happy was mainly working for her ever since she assumed the CEO position, he really had no business to be here.

“What are you doing here, Hap?” He greeted the man just as he approached the Audi. “That’s more than a three-hour drive, wouldn’t your boss be looking for you?” _Your boss,_ he couldn’t even bring himself to say her name out loud.

“She’s at the New York office.” Happy tried for a kind smile, which, all things considered, he gladly appreciated. “I know she cancelled and that you have the ring. I just thought you could use a friend.”

“Yeah, how is she?”

_She hasn’t met someone new, has she?_

“You know how she deals with things,” he knew Happy was trying to reassure him but he secretly hoped his friend could address the question he didn’t even ask. “I have never seen her tackle more work than usual. She’s trying to keep herself busy, that’s how she copes. She wouldn’t say it, but I know she misses you, Boss.”

“Yeah, thank you, I guess…” He took out the box from his pocket and handed it to Happy just as he opened the Audi’s door. “Sorry, Hap, you probably have to keep carrying this for me indefinitely.”

The burly man took the box before regarding him closely, “You wanna go get some cheeseburgers, Boss?”

“Next time, Hap. I’ll see you around.” He rolled up his windows then hit the gas, leaving the MIT grounds as fast as he (legally) could.

* * *

_**October 2016, New Avengers Facility, Upstate, NY** _

“Thank you, Mr. Stark. Thank you.”

“Yeah, thank you.”

He watched as Peter Parker walked away, satisfied that the kid was really turning out so well. He could only imagine that had it been anyone else in Peter’s shoes, with those powers at the tender age of fifteen, they would have probably jumped at the opportunity to be an Avenger. But Peter didn’t, not because he probably didn’t want to but because the kid knew his priorities, and he couldn’t be prouder of him.

“Told you he’s a good kid,” Happy told him and he couldn’t agree more.

He merely shrugged in agreement, a proud smile creeping in his face, that is until he heard the door behind him opened and he could hear the excited murmurs and the cameras flashing from the reporters in the next room. The smile was quickly replaced by unease as soon as he heard that all too familiar clicking of her heels. He could only imagine that Pepper would probably kill him this time. She came out with a somewhat frenzied, annoyed look as soon as she realized that Peter was not with them, but in spite of that, she looked beautiful as always. God, he could look at her all day, and to think that he almost lost her many times than he wanted to admit…

“Where’s the kid?” she looked between him and Happy, clearly trying to scrutinize what they did this time.

“He left.” Happy really tried not to sound defensive but he’s obviously just as scared of her as he was.

“Everybody’s waiting.” There was a slight increase in the tone of her voice, and he picked that up only because she had used that tone on him many, many times. He could tell she was getting angry but was really, really trying not to lose it. He would know, she told him that the yoga helped too.

“You know what?” he tried to placate her but he was so busy trying not to smile at how beautiful she was even when she’s mad at him, or _especially_ when she’s mad at him. “He actually made a really mature choice. It just surprised the heck out of us.”

“Did you guys screw this up?”

“He told the kid to go wait in the car,” he pointed at Happy out of reflex. Poor man, but better Happy than him. Pepper’s really _that_ scary.

“Are you kidding me? I have a room full of people in there waiting for some big announcement. What am I gonna tell them?” There, that’s her I’m-so-exasperated-with-Tony voice. Would it be weird if he loved her more because of that?

“Think of something.” Suddenly, he thought back to all those times that he almost asked her to marry him – when the idea was still too premature at the Firefighter’s Benefit, when he thought he was dying and was running against time, when Phil interrupted their night, when he thought he was ready but then the Mandarin happened and he had to rethink it because she deserved better, when he thought it could be his final desperate attempt just to keep her when they broke up a few months ago – only for him to realize that all his preparations and overthinking about the matter basically got him nowhere. Besides, what was it he told JARVIS back then? _Carpe diem_ , right? Seize the day. “How about, um... Hap, you still got that ring?”

“Do I... I, uh...” Happy made a show of patting his pockets, trying to find the ring, and he almost laughed at that. He knew Happy had it, the guy was probably too surprised that it was finally happening, after so many unsuccessful attempts.

“The engagement ring?” he prodded, and just in time, too, for Happy to hold up the ring for both Pepper and him to see.

“Are you kidding? I’ve been carrying this since 2008.”

“O-kay...” he muttered weakly, it never occurred to him that the sight of that ring could actually drive the air out of his lungs. And no, he was not afraid of the commitment, that’s not the scary part. The scary part was that this was finally happening, and Pepper… _Oh no, Pepper_ …

He looked at her and she simply looked… confused. His brain went into overdrive to explain the possible reasons behind her reaction and he realized that she was probably (a) confused as to why he had a ring since 2008, they weren’t even dating back then – _God, if she only knew that I considered proposing even before the first date_ – and (b) she was probably thinking that this whole Spider-Man press conference was nothing but a ploy for him to propose. Well, he wished he could have thought of the idea, but then… they’re here and he had a ring, and this had been a long time coming…

“I think I can think of something better than that,” she offered, which he had no plans of agreeing to.

“Well, it would buy us a little time—” She kissed him before he could even finish the thought and she did so with a smile on her face, the kind that reached her eyes, the kind that he had been missing for a long time now. “Like we need time…” Because clearly they didn’t, not anymore. This had been a long time coming after all.

“I can’t believe you have that thing in your pocket,” she admonished him just as she started walking back towards the conference room.

“Want me to get the door for you, Hon?” he rushed after her, but even with those heels, it was a marvel that she beat him to it.

“I got it,” she said opening the door and disappearing behind it.

He quickly followed her and just before he closed the door, he caught the ring which Happy threw at him, his friend and bodyguard clearly pleased that he never needed to carry that ring around ever again. He caught up with Pepper who was waiting for him in the holding area, just before they went up to the podium.

“Really, Tony, since 2008?”

“Of course. I had the perfect ring picked out for you ever since I came home from Afghanistan...” he took her hands in his, gazing at those blue eyes that he would always come home to. He was never letting her go, not this time. “…Ever since I came home back to you.”

He had rendered _the_ Pepper Potts speechless, that was a feat. And if this wasn’t the perfect timing, for this… for them… he couldn’t imagine a better moment. _Carpe diem_ , indeed.

*******

**Author's Note:**

> The idea just hit me recently, which is nice since it served as a palate cleanser to my ongoing angst-filled, Pepperony AU fic, [Fifteen Years in the Making](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23683444), which I'd like to invite you to browse, too. :)
> 
> Comments and kudos are welcome. Let me know what you think!


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